Addiction Issues My Life in General Posts Religion

Mistaken All Our Lives Part 2

These are my stories from my life of addiction, prison, and messages from god

Divine Intervention

So I am going to try and start off right where I left off on Mistaken All Our Lives. And of course I guess I should like introduce myself and such. I just realized that I did not do this in Mistaken All Our Lives Part 1. I just started talking my head off and just assuming that everyone knows who I am.

So anyways my name is Christa Bruns and I am 48 years old. With 3 grown daughters and a granddaughter I am crazy about. I was paralyzed from the waist down about 8 years ago. And this happened because of my drug and needle usage.

A couple miraculous events happened out of this. I actually lived. This was pretty miraculous considering the infection that had torn through my entire body. The infection had spread everywhere there was inside of me by the time they got me up to St Vincent hospital. They had to do a special test to see if it had reached my heart at this point. They did the surgery immediately to get the infection out of my spinal cord. This was what was causing the paralysis to kick in.

So when we got the results back we found out that although the infection was all through my entire body, the infection had not reached my heart. So this was really quite miraculous that I am still alive.

The 2nd miraculous event was the Dr’s telling me that I would most likely never walk again. After all they had to do in order to get all the infection out, it was not looking so good on my odds of healing up and ever being able to get out of my wheelchair. I am now walking unassisted. I do better with a cane, but I can do it without anything. That was pretty miraculous!

And the 3rd miraculous event that came out of this terrible tragedy was the fact that I am now off the needle and all opiates. Something I never thought would happen in this lifetime. Especially since I am now having to deal with chronic pain all the time. I have to say that it is like god has taken all of those cravings and urges away.

I have no desire to use opiates or needles anymore. At all. I can be around both and I have no problems at all with being able to cope with it. It does not tempt me a bit. I don’t try to get around either of these things too often. Just because I do not want to test fate.I will never say that It could not happen to me ever again. But I do feel pretty secure in how I feel concerning opiates or needles to feel pretty comfortable with being around them and having no desire to use them.

While I would not recommend this for most recovering addicts out there. I know that most people that get themselves off of the needle or heroin have to stay away from old triggers. So the fact that I have had the desire to use that stuff taken completely away is also a miracle in itself! So now that everyone knows a little bit more about me, I will move on with my story.

Shows what they know sometimes! I was in St Vincent hospital for nearly 2 months after the spinal surgery. And then had to go to a rehabilitation center to learn how to take care of myself now that I was in a wheelchair. And there are a lot of adjustments and different types of things you have to learn. Things you would never think of if you were not paralyzed yourself.

Altogether I was in hospitals you could say for about 3 months. When I got to the rehabilitation center I had not even gotten into a wheelchair yet.

I had been stuck in my hospital bed for the entire 2 months. I had not got out of it for a shower or anything else. I was given sponge baths in the bed. The pain was so overwhelmingly terrible that it took a bunch of pain meds to even get me to where I could try to do therapy. They had to switch my Dr’s because the first one was not getting it done with me.

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She was trying to treat my addiction concerns more or less. Because I got paralyzed by the use of needles and using heroin, she was trying to keep my opiate intake down as much as possible. Well that was not working at all. This was a case where I had to have as much as was needed in order to make it where I could stand the pain to do therapy.

And I had a high tolerance for pain medication! I had been on some type of opiate for about 20 years at that time. And was intravenously injecting the heroin and the roxycodones for many years. So it took a lot of pain meds to get my pain under control. The new Dr that was assigned to me was awesome and completely understood that I was not able to physically do any of my therapy because of the pain.

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Like he said, we would have to get my pain under control so that I could stand being able to do my therapy. Then we would deal with the addiction issues once I was able to take care of myself and ready to go home. Which they did.

When it finally came time to go home my Dr put me on Methadone pills. So they took me off my roxycodone pills and my dilaudid iv drip for pain. And put me on methadone pills each day. I think they had me on 8 pills a day. 10 mg pills I believe. I was not thrilled by this. But my Dr told me that these pills would help control the pain I was going to be in.

There was really nothing anyone could do for the addiction issues I would have to deal with from then forward. I was going to have chronic pain the rest of my life and I was a drug addict who could not control anything when it came to opiates. So to keep me from being right back on the streets looking for street drugs to control the pain, they put me on methadone pills and I guess that we all hoped for the best.

Now I am going to skip through a lot of events that happened concerning me and being in a wheelchair. But I will try and touch base with the most important points to my story. Even my therapists did not think that I would ever be able to

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So I want to say that the changes that have happened to me did not happen overnight. It was a long and drawn out process. The physical and the mental part of it. It took a long time to get actually walking again. Probably 2 years altogether. I also went from having to Cath every time I had to pee, to now I am peeing on my own.

As for the mental part I had some issues along the way concerning the addiction part. I had a mishap with my step fathers pain pills once while I was living with them. I was still experiencing a lot of pain at that time. And was sitting around with nothing to do and no where to go. So I started getting into his bottle and taking one here and there.

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Well that here and there soon lead to his bottle being empty and me not even knowing how in the hell that had happened! Then soon after I took some pee into my Dr’s office with me to pass a urine screen. I had been taking suboxone sometimes when I would run out of my methadone pills a little early. So that I would not be sick. I was afraid for the Dr to catch that in my urine and cut me off my methadone.

Well that was a hell of a mistake! The person who gave me the pee was either lying about their usage or the dust from the bottle it was in had showed up. And my screen came back with all kinds of damned drugs in it! I was like I would have been better off just to have peed on my own!

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But something very good actually happened that day. My Dr cut me off my methadone pills because of the results of my drug screen. And while it did not feel like a good thing at the time, I have to admit now that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me at the time.

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This was a good thing because I had been abusing my methadone pills. Granted I was nothing like I used to be. And when I would run out a little bit early each month, I would always stick to the same types of drugs on the streets to help with the withdrawals. Easy ones basically.

I could have chosen to go get heroin and really get myself good and fucked up when the withdrawals would hit. But I was determined to never go back to that type of lifestyle. And so I would find suboxone, or regular pain pills on the streets to cope with the withdrawals until I was able to refill my methadone prescription once again.

But it is what it is, and I was abusing my methadone pills. And this was not good. So it was actually a very good thing that my Dr cut me off of them. It then forced me to have to go get suboxone and get myself all the way off of the methadone. I have never liked suboxone. I used it only because I was not about to go through the withdrawals of coming off methadone.

So it was not that hard for me to cut out the methadone and go to little pieces of suboxone each day. And it was not hard for me to then start cutting the suboxone down when it came time to do that. And this happened for me about a year and a half ago. I was finally able to get off of the suboxones altogether.

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I was just tired of being on drugs that would make me sick as a dog if I did not have them. And while suboxone is helpful with getting a person off of the opiates, it is actually very, very, difficult to come off of. Almost just as bad as heroine was to come off of. I did not realize back in the day when I decided to go to Lafayette and live with my daughter while coming off of the heroin. That I would be getting ready to go through hell once the withdrawals hit from the suboxone.

My naive ass thought that since it was something to get you off of the drugs, you would not be sick when coming off of it. Was I ever completely wrong! I was deathly sick. And had to go to the hospital 2 times from throwing up so badly. I felt as if I would die! But I made it through it as you can tell.

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I am 47 and have 3 grown daughters. And I have 1 granddaughter who I am crazy about! I am a recovering heroin addict who has now been clean for over 7 years now. Well I should say clean from needles for that amount of time. I can’t say completely clean because my Dr’s had me on methadone pills for a while when I was first released from the hospital. I then self medicated myself and went to a Dr for a while for suboxone. Which I then used to get myself off of the methadone pills. I was paralyzed as a result of using needles. My Dr’s never thought that I would walk again with the amount of infection they had to remove from my spinal cord. Yet I am now walking! Unassisted even. I do not require a cane or anything to walk now, is what I mean by unassisted. I do better with a cane but I can actually do it without it. So I have been back to school and almost have my associates degree in general studies. I was focusing on going to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor. I have changed my mind on that now and I have been focusing on doing affiliate sales and working on my website. These projects that I have been doing for the last 4-5 years is what has been literally saving my life! And keeping me off of the drugs! I am trying to bring about some awareness concerning addiction and what can happen to a person if they use needles with my website. Though I changed my mind on working as a counselor I still want to try and help others out there who are still struggling with their addictions. So I hope that you will follow me either on my blog or my Facebook pages and help support getting addicts the help that they really need. Instead of the stereotype labels they get here in America as well as the criminal label they acquire when they cannot just quit their use of drugs or alcohol.

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