So I am going to talk about something that I usually don’t talk about. Religion. So yeah I know all about the taboo on talking about religion and politics in a nice & polite society. It definitely will not remain nice & polite for too long.after you start a conversation about religion or politics!
I have never really taken a major stand on either politics or religion.
I figured I would let everyone else figure that sort of thing out and do all of the voting, or the preaching. There was never really anyone who sparked my interest and caught my attention in politics, until Trump.
And as for religion I have never been a really devoted member of a church. I never felt drawn to anything when it came to religion. I guess one could say that I am more of a spiritual person. I have always felt more comfortable in the woods taking a walk, or working in my backyard at home. Than I ever did in a city, shopping mall, or a large gathering of people.
I have always felt connected with animals, more so than people. I have always had a way with them. They flock to me and they trust me completely. And I in return love about any animal that would come my way.
So call it what you will on what I’m about to tell you. Because I’m not for sure exactly if I should be saying God is talking to me lol. But I will get started with telling you about an experience I had back when I was still shooting up and was pretty bad on the heroin.
I had gotten back together with my ex-husband at this time. And somehow or other I ended upwalking down interstate 40. I think our car had broke down me and Jason got into a fight. So I ended up taking off on my own. So here I was walking down the interstate.
I do remember that I was pretty upset with what was going on in my life at that time. Feeling pretty miserable with myself and my surroundings most of the time. Next thing I know there’s a car that pulls up to me with a young woman driving, She appeared to be in her 20s. She said to me I never ever pick up people on the side of the road. A sort of rule of mine. But something told me that you were needing help. So here I am. Would you like a ride she said.
Since she seemed harmless enough I was like yes thank you very much I would love a ride. And when I got into the car I find out that she is a church goer and that God had told her to pick me up . She said as she was going down the road that day something told her to pick me up. Something told her that I needed help. So anyways we ended up talking on the way to where she was taking me. She told me about her church. I told her very little about my life because we had very different lifestyles. Then she dropped me off. With me telling her that I would try and make it to her church here soon.
I had good intentions to one day go to her church. But of course I never did. Life took over once again and trying to live the life of a junky is never easy. Your days are filled with trying to get the money to get the drug. Then you have to find the drug once you get the money. It never ends. And keeps you running in circles, never having time for anything else.
So here I was right back into my same old fucked up life. Hating myself everyday for not being strong enough to just stop what I was doing and fix things. Feeling as though I was different than everyone else on earth. Wondering why others could live normal addiction free lives, while I had to be like this. Guilt weighing me down day after day, until I just felt like I could take no more of it.
This was probably 3 months later when I was feeling this particular way, only 100 times worst than normal. I was really contemplating the idea of suicide. Something that I had never thought I would do. No matter how bad things got in my life I never seriously entertained the idea of it. Until that night.
I was sitting in the chair staring ahead and I heard my phone ring. I looked down at it and I did not recognize the number that was calling in. Most of the time I would just ignore calls like these. Because they are usually solicitors. But for some reason I went ahead and picked up my phone to answer it.
So I guess that I should tell you this part really quick. I had asked god for a sign about half an hour before this call came in. I was really desperate and so I asked him to show me something if I really was meant to be here. I just needed something at that moment to show me that someone cared I guess.
When I picked up the phone there was a woman on the other end. And I absolutely could not believe it, but it was the young woman who had picked me up on the side of the road that day 3 months before.
And she said to me that she had this overwhelming feeling that she needed to call and check on me, and she had a feeling that I might be needing someone to talk to. Well I broke down crying all the way. Telling her how I had been feeling terrible lately and felt that nothing would ever be right again. And how I had been contemplating suicide right before she called.
She went on to tell me how god was real and he was a huge part of her life. How she was so much happier now that she was a believer. And how god loved me too. She told me about how he was using her to tell me these messages. So that I would know that he was there, even in my darkest hours.
Well I have to tell you that I cried even harder once I got off the phone with the young woman. Once I really started to think about what had actually happened. There was no denying that this had been some sort of sign. I mean I had asked for god to show me a sign, and there she was when she called me out of nowhere. Checking on me and telling me how she had felt another overwhelming feeling that she needed to call me.
The entire event left me completely dazed. But I did feel so much better than what I had before. I had once again promised the young woman that I would try and come up to her church very soon. She even offered to drive to Connersville, and she lived in Richmond. That is about a 45 min drive one way for her. And she would have had to have brought me back home also.
So I once again thought to myself, I really need to go with her. There was just too much happening for me to try and deny that something divine was going on. I just never really knew what to think when it came to religion. I was not brought up in the church. And had never went to church on no regular basis. I had never really given much thought to the subject.
Well I hate to say it, but once again I just sort of forgot about the whole event and just carried on like I had been before. And I cannot remember the timeframe exactly, but it was not over 6 months later when I became paralyzed. And I became paralyzed from the use of needles. I was a heroin addict. For those of you who may not know this. I got an airborne infection from using needles.
This infection went spreading through my body like a wild fire. No one could see that it was happening. And I felt like something was going on inside of me that was not right. But I did not know what exactly it was. Even the hospital that I went to 2 times before the paralysis set in did not know. But enough about that at this time. If anyone would like to read my story to find out more about what happened to me you can read Addiction Issues And The Long Walk Home.
There is also Addiction Issues And The Long Walk Home Part2. For anyone who might be interested. So back to the subject I was on. I have come to realize that the young woman was obviously sent to try and give me the message that I had better stop living the way that I was living. Or else something really bad was going to happen. Well of course being a drug addict I was hard headed, and had to learn everything the hard way.
And so I continued down the same path that I had been going. Despite both of those miraculous events taking place in my life. And then when it happened to me, and I was laying there in that hospital bed without the use of my legs. I wanted to die more than I ever had any other time in my life. It was a good thing that I could not do more than barely lift my head and arms up.
Had I been able to get to something I just might have ended my life right then. I had never felt so miserable and hopeless feeling inside as I did in those days after the spinal cord surgery. And the Dr’s telling me that it was not likely that I would ever walk again. They said you never know what could happen, but I had better get used to the idea of being in the wheelchair for the rest of my life.
So I will end this post on that note. Just be sure to continue reading my new posts on Mistaken All Our Lives Part 2. Which I am working on now. And I should be posting very soon. Be sure to follow me and you can keep up with any of my new posts on this and my diy projects that will be coming soon!